We were just beginning

                      I’m so afraid that what I might suggest will mean the end of you , whenever I seek confrontation, I hunt and I tremble ,I ‘m so willing to live a revelation just to reach some means,  meaning consuming your self-rendered  titles and false projections.

I do not wish it to be so , but this is how we live, this is who we are , starving for affection , at every corner reaching for a reflection, a warm remember for those that were left behind and a cold welcome for those that go ahead in the momentum,

Of this  little walk that goes such a long way, maybe hand-in-hand never meant more than this and that , no more than now and then, maybe, when there’s something to revel in, we bring new openings to our weaknesses and trust the idea of “You” and the joke of “I”

“You and I ” is just one of the many fine examples of how comedy becomes tragedy , slowly falling down from that heaven of lies into that pit of suffocating truths, and “I” don’t know if “You” and your desperate needs are willing to give me my wings back.

And I don’t want to bring you down, but all your questions make me a little curious of how you would look from up close, so innocent and willing to choke on my many answers. See, I possess what you need , it’s buried deep , that light that still burns when all others fade.

Just sleep this night around, help me face the morning, I’ll just be patient and calm , maybe I’ll have  your answers if I truly wake up this time around , just lay here one night , just one full cycle of rest for our bodies and our minds.

Go ahead and dream , grab onto my soul and I’ll rise up , send us  straight up high, where all the planets collide and where the universe dies, lift me there back again, because this time around it’s my turn to begin.

One through the Climax

On love…

Life in two is the definition of existence,

Inevitable, conjugal and everlasting,

Mortality is forgotten, five humane senses replaced by one.

Periodically mistrusted but never abandoned.

Ideally innocent, yet aggressive in nature,

Apathetic when proved wrong.

 

Temperate above the surface

Excruciating beneath the breath

 

Immoral as the lie that gave it truth,

Utopian in it’s deception

Bliss at the darkest of times

Eccentric when given meaning

Sorrowful when lost

Crap, where are you?

A piece of mind

I have come back to see you smile, to bring you hope and chance.

Didn’t anybody tell you? Didn’t anybody show you that I’m not the one who you wish to be?

And this time I’m here to stay, forever, comforting and mellow , assuring and alluring.

Let me go, this is what I ask of you, I can’t stay in one place , I was never meant for this.

Connected to you in love , I am alive at night through the vessel of your memories,

 Because in the light I die , for I am pain and I am anger , I am lies and I am shame.

Drag me by my light and pull me in your altar, cover my eyes and nullify me , make me into you.

This is my shadow weeping, phasing and deluding , this is it, crawling under my skin, fleshing out the truth.

Take me home and see to it that i come through,

Coming straight through you, taking away all that’s yours, making it mine…

I’m leaving and I’m never coming back.

Best of wishes to my Father

Hello, it’s me, Alex, the champion spermling that got out your phallus one day. As you well know, I worked my way out to existence with the help of your alpha male sexual powers. That little unique sperm cell took form and shape after 9 months. I started crying from the very beginning, ever since i saw the light, maybe, in that primary state of being i was already realizing what was about to follow, a life filled with hardships, obstacles , contradictions. I say contradictions because life is beautiful too, maybe i started crying out of happiness, who the fuck knows. The idea is that now I’m 22, I’m endowed with a strong mind , a body quite soft and squiggly, yet a face and a personality that’s hard to miss, so much that  even you envy me at times.

You might have the impression that I’m talking about me again, but that’s far away from the symbol of the message that I’m trying to transmit now. I’m independent and fully grown thanks to you, after all, i did lunge out of your life giving manly fountain, you God in mortal form. I am forever in your debt , you showed me the way, eh , in your own style, that one which is at a total loss for holy morals or ethics. Don’t you worry though, I’m not one of those ambulatory cadavers controlled by the forces of morals and ethics, I’d rather be alive and lacking pseudo respect.

But…fuck, here I am again , going side ways instead of wishing you a simple Happy Birthday. A special day, for you , like for any other, special for all of us.Come to think about it, it reminds me of a cluster fuck of parasites. I hope you will find the power of will to be enjoy this blessed day that brings you closer to death, that sets you even further ahead on that never ending path to immortality. God , Death and the Devil, all stopped for you today, FOR YOU !

Happy Birthday old man.

This article needs to be read  as if it were a pamphlet, especially because it was written by a mature sperm cell. DAD, I GREW ARMS !!!!!

Lucifer

God has caused so much sin in you and your loved ones, just so you , yourself, can be…

The One.

His true son.

He did it all for you.

And do you ever feel mistreated , have you ever done good and were mistook for just some other crook?

Did you show them that you care?

Did you, did you know?

You were their life, their savior !

Did you turn their water into wine, their boredom into fun?

Just remember, he did it all for you.

He never questioned why, and nor should you.

Go ahead and light the way, I’ve been waiting and now I really have to change my way.

And let it be as it may, I will die just before I cry for you..

My father , My betrayer, My love.

A perfect cycle

I do remember how I die every time , I see myself alone waving goodbye to everybody from a distance, they’re always there when I’m set to leave, the same forgotten faces from past times, the smiles that i borrowed, the laughter that i stole , the words that i use as my own, the tears that i shed, of course, I know what they want, they want all of those things back, but I would never give them back, because I’m afraid that i might not live again.

They are like me in a way, or another , afraid to let me go. I know…I’ve been on the other side alongside with these silhouettes once, I was waving back to somebody that died one night and i know i longed for my spiritual possessions to be given back to me, but I could only stand still, waving back, letting it know by the end, that all those  stolen moments of before were ours , they were our only way of true belonging, they were ours altogether only because we had the courage to share and learn from each other. I felt humbleness dimming me out in that loud silence, awe struck to see that I’m theirs and they’re mine.

Dimmed and silent I wake up , opening my eyes, can barely see, can barely hear, can barely move, i feel life coursing through my body along with my first breath , I am alive once more, a newborn inside a proud man. I caught light and i shined again , proud of my strong voice , genuine laughter, the smile behind my tears…ours.

I finally learned to not fear death anymore, because when you’re not your body, you gain the knowledge of the infinite , a knowledge that can be brought back for another chance in life , a chance for someone like you with someone like me.

Ugly

Weak and shaking, drifting  like an aimless shadow trying to grasp some sort of essence, to take any kind of form,everything  just passes through me , leaving me hollow. Empty is the word that comes out of me, cold is the touch that’s supposed to warm you, black and white is all i see and i’m ashamed , it makes me feel so ashamed.

So now i’m on my knees , searching for you to lift me up and whenever you give your best i sink even lower into my sorrowful ground, i rise , i rise uglier than ever, my eyes are dirt , my view is distorted and twisted and it makes me feel ugly. I turned my back on everybody , i became a stranger on a strange road, all alone riding until time will recognize me.

And i’m waiting, still waiting to be full again, and emptiness , emptiness fills me every time and i can’t have enough because my soul is endless. How pitiful i have become when fear fuels my motivations, overwhelming others , fear, and i see it in the eyes of men and my blood starts pumping, my soul is stirring and my fist is shaking. 

My heart is my fear , and it will pump pain until the day i give my last breath, until dirt will cover every inch of my ugly self.